GOODBYE 2025!

 GOODBYE 2025!!

2025 was an interesting year for me. It was both one of the best years of my life and also one of the worst. It’s been full of laughter and smiles but also tears and heartache. 

To explain it in the best way I need to start at the beginning. I started 2025 the way most young people do, in the pub I work at dressed in fancy dress from an era I wasn’t even alive in. Silently hoping that the one creepy regular didn’t reach for me when the countdown started. I stood with two of my best friends and exclaimed very loudly that this year was going to be my year!

I was so wrong. Which looking back on it is hilarious. 

January to April is a bit of a blur if I’m honest. I was piled up in dissertation hell. Watching the how to train your dragon movies and eating microwaved popcorn, telling myself that I just needed to finish this scene then I can go to bed. I poured my heart and soul into my dissertation, and I really felt the drain when it was all over. But I distinctly remember the joy of submitting it and knowing that my degree was done. I had survived three years of academic hell, and I’d made it out the other side mostly unharmed. 

I deserved a break, and a break is what I took, a week-long trip to Rhodes Island in Greece with my two girls. Chaos. That’s the word I would use actual Chaos. I’d never been to an all-inclusive before and I can whole heartedly say I was not sober for a single moment. It didn’t help that the bar tenders at this hotel had no idea what a single or a double was. I laughed harder on that holiday than I think I ever have. 

One night we performed the entirety of Hamilton in our hotel room (with assigned parts of course!) only stopping to nip down to the snack bar for ice cream and of course more drinks. At one point Ellie fell of her bed and I thought I was going to wet myself. 

We went on two nights out on this holiday, staying out until the early hours of the morning, being grabbed and stroked by weird, strange men but we didn’t care. All three of us had finished uni and we were going to celebrate accordingly. 

I will say the hangover that lasted a week when we got back wasn’t fun, but I did sleep like the dead for at least a month so honestly, I’ll take it. 

Then came June and July when I walked across the stage at Demonfort Hall in Leicester and officially became a graduate. Gaining a 2:1 bachelor’s degree of the arts in English Literature and Creative Writing. I got a degree and a foreboding sense of what the hell now that day. 

I threw myself into work at the pub trying and failing to save money but mostly just having fun with my friends. Embracing the gorgeous mid-way point between not really a student but also not really an adult. 

August and September brought more change. The decision to start my masters needed to be made and I did it. Wanting to further my education (and stall getting a real job). Ellie got her first teaching job which meant that come September she’d be off into the work force like a proper human, leaving me and Em wondering if we’d made the right choice staying in hospitality. 

We also lost my amazing nan in August. She was a force to my reconned with my nan, but I miss her every day. I spent almost half the month in France with my mum saying goodbye to nan and emptying her house of the 21 years of memories I had with her. I hold onto to those tight. And although it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do we still found some joy in the dark moments. Laughing at mum falling out a tree chasing the cat is probably the most standout of them.  It was a hard month, but I chose to honour my nan with joy instead of sadness. She would want me to laugh not cry for her. So that is what I’m choosing to do.

In September I started my master’s degree and very quickly realised I hated it. If im honest with myself, I think I was trying to hold onto to the joy I got from Uni without really acknowledging that I had changed since April and I was ready for something more and something different. I told myself to get to Christmas and if I still hated it we would be looking at other options. 

I also turned 22 in September! Whoop!! Another year older. Still don’t feel like I’m an actual adult though. Until I’m stood next to my waitresses at work who have barely touched 18. Then I feel old. One of them called me their work mum the other day. That stung. I am that cool older person now and I wear it with a badge of honour. 

October and November (also known as my favourite months of the year) were pretty good. I spent October delving into new music and enjoying my favourite creepy films. I am a Halloween girl all year, but I fully embrace it in spooky season. I went to my first Halloween party as an adult, got completely smashed and then had to go to work the next day with my makeup still on and a contact lense lost somewhere in my eye. 

In November I managed to bully my brother into going to a concert with me. Something he did last year more willingly. We saw Ice Nine Kills an incredible band who encompass everything I love. They combine metal core music with the horror genre. So many of my favourite things in one space. It helped me to fall back in love with music and also make new memories with my brother.

Now December, arguably my worst month of this year. With Christmas fast approaching I should have been feeling jolly, instead I had to confront a few problems going on in my life and then face the harsh realities of working in hospitality over the festive period. 

The first problem I had to face was university. Would I continue with my Masters or would I drop out? I contemplated the pros and the cons of both. I would have to admit to myself that I had failed at something but I know I would be so much happier. I can deal with the personal guilt but I ultimately need to be happy. So I did it. I decided not to return to my course come January.

If I’m being completely open and honest it’s been a hard month since I made that decision. I have no idea where to go from here and feel incredibly lost in myself. I know that my current job can’t be forever. I can’t let it be. But I don’t really know yet what I do want to do with my life. The job market is not the best at the moment and finding a job that would make me happy is seeming impossible right now. But I’m trying to stay hopeful. 

It hit Christmas but it didn’t feel like it. I had the best time, I was surrounded by my family and was absolutely spoiled by everyone but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get festive. Maybe that is one of the reasons why this month has felt so bad.

One positive to come out of December was that I got to see one of my best friends again. Her name is Erin, and we met during my second year at university. She was an Australian exchange student, and we spent six amazing months together. I was fortunate to have her come and stay with us during her trip back this year and it was perfect. This girl dragged me through some of the hardest months of my life and having her back with me made everything feel right again. I’m sad that she’s had to go back home but I am planning to go out and see her either end of 2026 or 2027. 

Now I know I have sounded quite sinical so far in this post but I promise my year has been pretty good. 

I got to spend so much time with my closest friends and develop a new friendship even more. I got closer with someone who I hope will be in my life forever. She brings so much joy to me even when she’s going on rants about car parts and loses me completely. We’ve been through some tough times together this year. And I want to make a promise to her that no matter where she is in the world I will always be there to support and love her. 

I have learnt so much about myself this year. I have learnt to prioritise myself and my feelings over the expectations of other people. I have learnt to give myself a break when life gets a little bit too loud. 

The most valuable thing I have learnt to do this year is love again. Platonically, I learned how to give my love in ways that are costly and earnest. Not giving love to people who don’t reciprocate and give it back. 

I also learnt a lot romantically this year. I made myself a promise that I wasn’t going to be with people mindlessly this year. I was going to learn to be single and by myself. This worked for a while and the joy I felt was unparalleled, there was no anxiety, no stress. I took care of myself without thinking about that other person.

But as always with life things didn’t go to plan. Someone came into my life, threw open a door that I thought was closed and turned it all on its head. BUT I want to stress that this wasn’t a negative. In fact, it was absolutely incredible. If for some reason you read this, I want to say thank you for the time you’ve given me and for how much healing you’ve allowed me to do. And remember I’m a silent cheerleader always rooting for you. 

So, this was long. But it’s a bunch of stuff I needed to get off my chest and if no one else reads this at least I feel better for writing it. 2025 was a real cluster fuck and as we go into 2026, I hope it is just as chaotic. I want to focus on my craft more this year and hopefully will be writing on here again more. 

Future me if you read this: how are we doing? Did we get that teaching assistant job? Are we still hanging out with our girls? And most importantly:

Are we happy?

Here’s to 2026 and new beginnings.